In A Nutshell

So today is the day that I've decided to embrace all that is crazy & hectic in my life and purge it on a blog, out into the world, so that I can lighten my load.

I've always thought my life was a little over the top. A kaleidescope of colors, experiences tossed together and splattered Pollock style in my day to day life. I realized that my skewed vision of the world didn't really mesh with the majority a long time ago. It's taken years of self observation and rationalization to be okay with being so far from normal. I've seen what normal looks like and sometimes I like to visit, but my reality is that I wouldn't and can't live there.

About a year ago, after months of dragging my feet, I submitted our daughters pictures to several modeling agencies to see if they saw what we saw. I procrastinated on moving forward for many reasons. A year ago, she was finishing eighth grade and just as I foresaw, navigating the tween years wasn't going to be an easy process. All children are complex during these years, but I knew Maddie was going to be even more so. She's a deep thinker, trying to figure out life and her role in it and one morning she woke up and I was suddenly the thorn in her side.....her nemesis...the pain in her ass and it kicked mine. I'm not sure how a mother is supposed to emotionally prepare for this role with a child that you love and adore, but I needed time to figure out how I was going to be there for her and keep her moving forward in a positive direction without missing a beat.

As much as she would hate my saying it.....I see so much of me in her. Not in the looks department, although there are moments when I see a bit of myself, but in her personality. She is everything I wanted to be but couldn't. She's the kid that often says what's on her mind. She's the rebel child, the kid that breaks from the crowd, searching for what is unique and special. She's comfortable in her uniqueness....she's all things that I pondered in my head but didn't have the cojones or environment to embrace.

She asked me if I would send her pics in when she was in 6th grade. I dragged my feet noting in my head that at the end of Jr. High, when I could see who she was becoming and what was important to her, that I would help her pursue it then. Timing is everything......and I've always believed that things do happen when they're supposed to. So don't rush it. It'll happen.

I started with San Diego Magazine, since finding a local agency was my first thought. From there, I found a bunch of information to bring me current on the industry standards and decided on five agencies to start with both local and national. Once I submitted some photos that were taken in the past few months with a neighbor and local photographer and then just waited for a response.

We didn't have to wait long. About a week and we heard from Ford in San Francisco. They wanted basic photos....no make up, hair pulled back, bathing suit....front, back and side views. Smiling and unsmiling.....basic. So we got Dalton, our oldest son and resident expert photographer to take some pics...uploaded them and waited again. In a very short time, we heard back that they liked what they saw and wanted her to come into the agency for a meeting. They set us up with a meeting at the L.A. office since it was the closest. Mads and I drove up to L.A., going to the big city, nerves all a jumble....thoughts all over the map, but a gut feeling that this felt right.

The Ford office is really impressive......a long corridor that leads to a big & bold red wall with FORD bigger than life on the wall. We met with Meg, she took some "digi's", which are digitals and liked what she saw. Meg wanted a test shoot done and they'd go from there. Within a week or so, Mads was off for a photo shoot in Santa Monica this time with her dad. We had Japanese exchange students in town with a big welcome dinner over at The Heartbreak to celebrate, so I needed to be home. Erik drove Mads up and met the photographer with a lighting and make up person in tow. We really had no idea of what to expect, but from what Erik and Maddie shared later, there was quite a crowd around them most times, with tourists and locals hovering to find out who she was.....pretty cool for a girl that's not yet 14. Erik dressed to protect....with his shit kicking biker boots, jeans and a big ol black jacket. Perception is everything and he wanted to let the world know that you don't mess with my girl.

Maddie told me later that on the way home they were flying......and it wasn't the speed of the car. Maddie had a blast, which was very telling to all of us. Some people feel awkward and shy in front of a camera.....and some people come to life. That's our girl, ever since she was a little girl. Put her in front of a camera and she comes to life and on top of it...she's having a blast.

The photographer had lots of advice for Erik and Maddie and spent a great deal of time with them, recognizing that as a test shoot this was just the beginning with so much to learn up ahead. He also warned that in this business, you don't always get a lot of time to figure things out. It's a fast paced business with little understanding or patience for novices.....so be on your toes.

It took about 3 or 4 days and we heard back from Meg @ Ford. They love her! OMG. When I read the email.......there was an explosion of happiness inside me. Maddie was in school......so I ran to Erik and my Mom and we all danced a jig around the kitchen. Whoo Hoo!!!!!!!!!!!!!! By the time we picked up Maddie from school and told her the good news....she was in awe, quietly soaking it all in and no doubt, a little overwhelmed.

Of course we had no idea what it meant and where it was going, but in a nutshell.....I knew it was just starting in a kismet kind of way.