Do you ever have one of those days that makes you question everything you think you know? Today is one for me.
Took our girl to a test shoot today, that she wasn't all to fired up to go to. She needs some more current photos for her book and we've been trying to get something going with her booker, so when this opportunity came up, I took it. The photographer has some great shots on his blog, so I felt that it was worth it in terms of time and energy and it's a freebie. A win/win.
Once the hair stylist and make up artist got chatting, I got a good dose of how these gals chat and what Petie is listening to while she sits there, quiet as a mouse letting them mold her. The photographer commented to the make up artist, "I'd like her face contoured where it's wide." The hair stylist commented that she "loves models whose ribs stick out"...no she wasn't kidding. She thought it looked cool.
I could feel the pit of my stomach turn as their careless comments planted seeds of doubt and insecurity in our daughters psyche, wrecking havoc with her self image and self worth. On the way to the shoot, Petie kept asking me to consider signing her up for a diet program. Jenny Craig or some easier path to tracking her calories and helping her lose the 10lbs so she's back in her modeling comfort zone. I feel physically nauseous now, replaying the conversation in my head.
It was such a tough road to go, supporting Petie and helping her try and attain her measurement goals for the opportunity to go to Paris. A heady offer to wave in front of a 16 year old girl...the prospect of modeling in Paris for two months. It was surreal in more ways than we could have imagined. In hindsight, I wish I'd sheltered her more. Sometimes I feel like models are given information on a need to know basis. We found out that the agency in Paris wanted an inch smaller than we were originally told about three weeks before she was to measure. This after many weeks of giving up sugar, white flour and rising at the crack of dawn to hit the gym and train her ass off. It wasn't enough ultimately and the let down felt overwhelming from my perspective. I don't know that there are words from our girls point of view.
I wonder.....is this the right path? Are we doing her a disservice? Is this just the time to toughen up since acting is her next goal and no doubt the rejection is equally as fierce. God, how I worry, day in and day out if I am doing and supporting our daughter so that she a happy and content person, who is pursuing her dreams. They have to be her dreams and the good has to outweigh the bad overall.
There has to be a conversation after today's shoot. I need to clarify for myself and with her and make sure that she is okay. She had a tremendous shoot two weeks ago and when she came out of the shoot....she was literally flying on adrenaline and pure joy. It was a joyous experience made possible with some incredible professionals. I do believe a part of the negativity I grasped from today, was due to inexperienced or immature people who were working on the shoot. They were completely oblivious to the impact their careless comments were having. I wanted to say something....to put the breaks on and yet I held back as I know my words would have soured the shoot, embarrassed our girl and since I am not always in ear shot of those that she works with, perhaps I am just feeling overly sensitive and overly protective. I second guess myself at almost every turn. We have one daughter. I love her fiercely and today, I doubted everything I thought I knew.
No doubt it won't be the last time.
No comments:
Post a Comment