It probably goes without saying, that I get asked quite frequently..."Where do you start if you think your child might be interested in modeling?" The modeling business can feel overwhelming especially when as a parent, you want to protect and support, and having your child's look critiqued can be really uncomfortable.
So this is the only time I will say, that before you decide to pursue this avenue, make sure you've had the talk with both yourself, your spouse and your child that for every agency out there, there's a million of opinions about who's commercial and who's not. For every interview...there's an human being on the other end and their opinion is just that...their opinion.
Every time Maddie is in a waiting room with 50 other gorgeous young women, I have to remind her that she's unique, she's there for a reason, that she can't be perfect for every job. Each girl there is special and has something to offer and in this world when you see one attractive person, there's always someone more attractive around the corner. So if you decide to go into modeling....you have to work on yourself from the inside out. Being physically fit is important. Being mentally tough is even more so. Your experiences as a person affect what you offer in front of a camera, so you can't rely on just being a pretty face. You have to be able to project many emotions, attitudes and strengths in front of the camera. You have to know yourself...your best angle....your go to poses....and expectations for young models is much more forgiving, but you have to be learning and evolving from the get go. Parents....do not project your feelings on to your child. If this is something your son or daughter is interested in...then the best you can do is be their number one advocate and be the eyes and ears to give them the feedback they need to put their best foot forward. At the end of the day, just like any endeavor, our kids just need us to be there loving them whatever comes down the road.
So here's what I did when we decided to get it our best shot at getting Maddie's photos in front of the right people. I really don't have any special connections or any inside information than to go through these steps and see what the response is.
Maddie had some photos taken by a neighbor, who was going into photography and wanted some practice. When we got the photos back, a large percentage of them were really good. Which is often a really good clue.....is your child highly photogenic? Maddie has always been really comfortable in front of the camera. That's another indicator...how comfortable is your child when taking pictures?
My first thought was to find out what agencies had solid reputations when handling minors. After doing some initial research, I ended up on a sight for a local modeling agency in San Diego, called San Diego Model Management. Their site is http://www.sdmodel.com/index.htm. They have some great information on their site such as what are the physical requirements for children, teenagers, women and men. What I thought was really cool was if you scroll down to the bottom of the "Physical Requirements" page, you'll find a link for "major agencies."
The reality is that you as the parent should not....let me repeat....NOT have to spend money to see if your child has what it takes to model. Classes, workshops and so forth may or may not have value, but the reality is to submit photos to an agency, all you need are some basic shots.
Once I got on the "Major Agencies" link I was able to check out the different agencies and from there I was able to discern what was needed to send in for Maddie's photos. I chose five agencies to start with. From there I sent the photos we had available and emailed them to the agencies. After about one week...we heard back from Ford and only Ford.
I got an email from the San Francisco Ford office, in which they requested the following photos to be emailed. Front head shot...hair pulled back off of face, natural lighting, no make up. Side shot, hair pulled back, in a bikini...and full front shot...again no make up. We emailed those photos up and waited about two days. From there they wanted Maddie to go to L.A. and meet with someone from Ford face to face. After that meeting they scheduled a test shoot...at not cost to us. After the test shoot, they offered Maddie a contract.
Each agency will have on their website what kind of photos they're looking for. Ford has a solid reputation, having been in the business for so many years and especially at working with minor children. They have been absolutely wonderful to Maddie during this process and because they are so well connected, they don't work with disreputable photographers and such. We've had a great experience to date.
We have also met models from other agencies and they LOVE their agency. So it's like anything else, where sometimes you have to find out what feels right for your child. If we hadn't heard back from Ford, then I would have continued on down the list of agencies until we had heard back. Unfortunately, via email they don't typically respond and tell you any critiques about your child. For example; if they need to be older or if they need their teeth straightened. If your looking for feedback, you may want to consider contacting the local agencies about open castings in their office. I've been told that these are also excellent opportunities for parents to take their kids and meet with an agent/booker face to face and find out if their child has an opportunity with that agency.
Other considerations once you find an agent:
Most agencies are located in Los Angeles or other large cities. Are you prepared to drive your child to and from for castings. I don't know what the "norm" is but I know for Maddie there are weeks where we are driving to and from for castings about 3-4 days a week. Sometimes it's less and sometimes it's more. Often times the castings are less than 24 hours notice. Some jobs do not require castings, but so far those are few and far between.
Another consideration is school. Managing there time between school, homework and castings takes a team effort. It also takes a certain kind of school and teachers to make it work. Not every district/school will be supportive of a working child.
Initial money investment for Maddie the first year was approx. 5-7k. She needed clothes for castings, items for her model bag, lots of shoes, nails and hair taken care of on a regular basis, auto expenses, some hotel expenses and the list goes on. Once she signed with Ford, there were some free photo shoots and then others were needed that cost approx. 500.00 so that her book stays updated. These shoots take place about every 3-4 months.
So far, navigating puberty, while under the microscope of modeling has been the most difficult part of modeling. It's hard enough to go through changes or have a bad hair day for any child but then to have to pull it together to look your best and project happiness in front of a camera when your child is feeling anything but....well, it's tough. So buckle your seatbelt because it's a bumpy ride. The experience to date has been well worth the time, effort and craziness in terms of Maddie have some money set aside for college but also in terms of her maturity and ability to interact with adults and maintain her sense of self in most situations.
Feel free to ask me any questions I may not have covered. Best of luck to your child and to you!!
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
The Cut Hair
About six months into Madison's modeling career, I could sense that Maddie was getting the itch for change. At 14, our girl hates to be generic, hates normalcy or any kind of conformity. If the group goes right, I know she's going left. Already the dress code at school was getting tested on a daily basis. It's mandatory to wear collared shirts....but it doesn't say anything about paint smeared jeans, short shorts with crazy colored tights, punk shirts with questionable sayings on top of the collared shirts and make up that says, "I'm going clubbing" or "I hate my parents".
I do realize that it's the parents responsibility to monitor and provide guidance. But I have to say that after months of sending her upstairs to change, which in turn means we're typically late to school, I could feel myself budging here and there. They say it's smart to pick your battles; save your energy for the times that you really need it. When I thought about what Maddie witnesses when modeling, clothing ideas by stylists for various shoots, every walk of life imaginable,I also recognized that this is a part of what Maddie is absorbing, being around these creative people and getting a feel for being avant-garde, even if it doesn't mesh with our small town and her even smaller high school. On top of which, adding my 2cents as to what looks good and what doesn't, barely registers as Maddie has lovingly coined both Erik and I "preppy". Which may have worked back in the 80's but by our daughters definition, means we're boring parents who think color coordination is a good thing.
So there we are...her parents...Erik and Arlene. Those preppy people that appreciate matching and innately know that paisley doens't blend with plaid. That was until Maddie got a hold of her clothes and decided anything goes. But somehow...that wasn't enough for her. The clothes and the make up just didn't cut it. The problem was her hair. Nope. Can't quite cut the whole punk look if the hair is long, blonde and beautiful.
I started getting the long whines of she wanted to color her hair starting in Jr. High. But now Maddie was positive that the only thing standing between being completely original and being non existent was changing her hair color. She wanted black hair in one breath or deep red in the next. Maybe streaks? "Come on MOM!! I hate my hair!!!" "You don't understand!!!" I stood firm. Next thing I know...she's teasing the top of her hair to go to school so that it looks like she had a bad night of sleep, rolled out of bed and walked out the door. Only I knew that it took some skill and hairspray to get her "do" to do what it did.
I was at a loss. I would have killed for her hair back in the day or any other day. My only fall back was her booker at Ford wouldn't like it. That her modeling book with all the pics she'd amassed thus far wouldn't work if she colored her hair. So after much pleading by Maddie and knowing that I was keeping her from being the ultimately cool girl she was meant to be, I gave it to her straight. "Modeling is your choice. If you decide you don't want to model anymore and you would rather give it up so you can be more experimental at home with your hair, than that's fine. But it's one or the other. You can't do both." After some thought, I could see the wheels turning in her brain and she responded, "Fine." Which I took to mean that she got it. Not.
Maddie had a friend over to spend the night one weekend. She kept her hair clipped back and up in a ponytail so it wasn't until Monday morning when surprisingly she was already downstairs ready for school, that I noticed her hair looked different. So I asked her what she did different...trying to see if she'd pinned it back on the top because she had somehow created a shag on top with the bottom remaining long. If you can remember the Bay City Rollers do back in the 70's, then you can get a vague sense of what I'm talking about. I walked over to look closer and she took a few steps backwards....when suddenly it hit me. She'd cut her hair. Or I should say, she hacked her hair. There were pieces on top that wouldn't quite lie flat because she'd cut it so short. Other pieces that were chopped in one section and then long in the next. I couldn't believe it. Maddie just stood there staring at me defiantly until even she had to acknowledge that she'd screwed up. She didn't admit it right away, but the tears were there and I knew that she knew she was in trouble.
We drove to school in silence. I just didn't have any words to say how pissed off I was. She knew I was livid. How in the hell does a kid who has been given a tremendous opportunity to model with a top agency just to say screw it and chop off her hair??? It was beyond me. I told her I was calling Ford and letting her booker know and that she was going to have to explain herself, in person. But even worse than that, Maddie was going to have to tell her dad. That's when the tears started flowing.
I called Ford and gave Meg a heads up. I could hear in her voice her surprise and then she started laughing. "She did what?" she asked again. "Seriously? Well how bad is it?" "Okay, bring her up so I can see her in person." We drove up to Ford the next day because Maddie had a shoot coming up and I wasn't sure if it had to be cancelled. When Meg saw Maddie, she took her hands through Maddie's hair and just shook her head. She told Maddie that she could not cut her hair again if she wanted to get work. She took Maddie off the books for about 4 weeks until some of it could grow out long enough to style.
There were many weeks ahead where Maddie just cried about her hair and then there were days where she'd get compliments and feel justified in what she did. The long and the short of it is.....it's just hair. Hair grows back and although we now know that Maddie's hair doesn't grow all that fast, it does grow back. Looking a little deeper, once the initial anger subsided, I realized that Maddie sense of self was stronger than her need for being a model. She needs to be more than a pretty face on a page. This modeling gig is cool but unless she see's the value it really doesn't matter. She's not going to conform into anyone's ideas of what she should be. Nope, Madison's going to figure it out on her own and even if that means there will be some lumps and bumps along the way. She's willing to push the boundaries and ultimately I admire that quality in her.
I do realize that it's the parents responsibility to monitor and provide guidance. But I have to say that after months of sending her upstairs to change, which in turn means we're typically late to school, I could feel myself budging here and there. They say it's smart to pick your battles; save your energy for the times that you really need it. When I thought about what Maddie witnesses when modeling, clothing ideas by stylists for various shoots, every walk of life imaginable,I also recognized that this is a part of what Maddie is absorbing, being around these creative people and getting a feel for being avant-garde, even if it doesn't mesh with our small town and her even smaller high school. On top of which, adding my 2cents as to what looks good and what doesn't, barely registers as Maddie has lovingly coined both Erik and I "preppy". Which may have worked back in the 80's but by our daughters definition, means we're boring parents who think color coordination is a good thing.
So there we are...her parents...Erik and Arlene. Those preppy people that appreciate matching and innately know that paisley doens't blend with plaid. That was until Maddie got a hold of her clothes and decided anything goes. But somehow...that wasn't enough for her. The clothes and the make up just didn't cut it. The problem was her hair. Nope. Can't quite cut the whole punk look if the hair is long, blonde and beautiful.
I started getting the long whines of she wanted to color her hair starting in Jr. High. But now Maddie was positive that the only thing standing between being completely original and being non existent was changing her hair color. She wanted black hair in one breath or deep red in the next. Maybe streaks? "Come on MOM!! I hate my hair!!!" "You don't understand!!!" I stood firm. Next thing I know...she's teasing the top of her hair to go to school so that it looks like she had a bad night of sleep, rolled out of bed and walked out the door. Only I knew that it took some skill and hairspray to get her "do" to do what it did.
I was at a loss. I would have killed for her hair back in the day or any other day. My only fall back was her booker at Ford wouldn't like it. That her modeling book with all the pics she'd amassed thus far wouldn't work if she colored her hair. So after much pleading by Maddie and knowing that I was keeping her from being the ultimately cool girl she was meant to be, I gave it to her straight. "Modeling is your choice. If you decide you don't want to model anymore and you would rather give it up so you can be more experimental at home with your hair, than that's fine. But it's one or the other. You can't do both." After some thought, I could see the wheels turning in her brain and she responded, "Fine." Which I took to mean that she got it. Not.
Maddie had a friend over to spend the night one weekend. She kept her hair clipped back and up in a ponytail so it wasn't until Monday morning when surprisingly she was already downstairs ready for school, that I noticed her hair looked different. So I asked her what she did different...trying to see if she'd pinned it back on the top because she had somehow created a shag on top with the bottom remaining long. If you can remember the Bay City Rollers do back in the 70's, then you can get a vague sense of what I'm talking about. I walked over to look closer and she took a few steps backwards....when suddenly it hit me. She'd cut her hair. Or I should say, she hacked her hair. There were pieces on top that wouldn't quite lie flat because she'd cut it so short. Other pieces that were chopped in one section and then long in the next. I couldn't believe it. Maddie just stood there staring at me defiantly until even she had to acknowledge that she'd screwed up. She didn't admit it right away, but the tears were there and I knew that she knew she was in trouble.
We drove to school in silence. I just didn't have any words to say how pissed off I was. She knew I was livid. How in the hell does a kid who has been given a tremendous opportunity to model with a top agency just to say screw it and chop off her hair??? It was beyond me. I told her I was calling Ford and letting her booker know and that she was going to have to explain herself, in person. But even worse than that, Maddie was going to have to tell her dad. That's when the tears started flowing.
I called Ford and gave Meg a heads up. I could hear in her voice her surprise and then she started laughing. "She did what?" she asked again. "Seriously? Well how bad is it?" "Okay, bring her up so I can see her in person." We drove up to Ford the next day because Maddie had a shoot coming up and I wasn't sure if it had to be cancelled. When Meg saw Maddie, she took her hands through Maddie's hair and just shook her head. She told Maddie that she could not cut her hair again if she wanted to get work. She took Maddie off the books for about 4 weeks until some of it could grow out long enough to style.
There were many weeks ahead where Maddie just cried about her hair and then there were days where she'd get compliments and feel justified in what she did. The long and the short of it is.....it's just hair. Hair grows back and although we now know that Maddie's hair doesn't grow all that fast, it does grow back. Looking a little deeper, once the initial anger subsided, I realized that Maddie sense of self was stronger than her need for being a model. She needs to be more than a pretty face on a page. This modeling gig is cool but unless she see's the value it really doesn't matter. She's not going to conform into anyone's ideas of what she should be. Nope, Madison's going to figure it out on her own and even if that means there will be some lumps and bumps along the way. She's willing to push the boundaries and ultimately I admire that quality in her.
Friday, July 23, 2010
Getting out of the Comfort Zone
Quick post....This Summer has been quiet and low key. Mads has had a 3 day gig in Chicago for Sears and Kmart, when I'll detail later, but other than that we've asked for time off so that she can regroup and enjoy Summer.
A few months back Mads started with two acting classes, as she'd like to branch out and get commercial representation. The classes went great with some one on one teaching and I could tell that she was digging it when she came out of the class. Like any child when they experience a discovery of something interesting and new that they may be good at and at the very least, enjoy, you see a spark that this is worth pursuing.
The classes are expensive and require about a 2.5 hr drive each way, so it's another commitment on top of the modeling stuff. During our many drives we've often discussed things she could do to help her evolve. We've had some wonderful feedback from our close friend Will Seymour, who has been an Actor and teacher to young students for years. Besides being an all around wonderful person, he's been incredibly generous with his time in giving Maddie and I feedback as we go through this process and have questions. Will expressed how auditions can go and what the agents or clients are looking for. Someone who's willing to go out on a limb...take a risk....look a fool....show something fresh. When I think of it, I think of it right up there with free falling......."Please God, catch me before I fall!"
Maddie's at the age where if she can learn to take risks and get out of her comfort zone, I know it will benefit her in whatever challenge she may come across. So improv was at the top of my mind and many times Erik and I have discussed how those on SNL have come from some of the greatest learning backgrounds before they break out.
With that said, we enrolled Maddie in the Groundlings week workshop. I'm hoping if it works out, it'll be a scary, thrilling and safe place for Maddie to get a feel for her inner geek and let herself go. Forget about being a pretty face, forget about what people may perceive of her and let her just develop those thinking skills that many people ignore in a situation that requires an on the spot response to be witty and funny....not to mention working as a team.
So I'll let you know how it goes. Worse case, she may never want to do it again and will hate it. Best case, she will learn some skill sets that will serve her well in life. One of the best tools we can give our kids is to step out of their comfort zones....mix it up a bit and to not worry so much about falling flat on their face. Like Thomas Edison once said, " I have not failed," during one point of his experimenting to find a long burning filament. "I've just found ten thousand ways that don't work."
A few months back Mads started with two acting classes, as she'd like to branch out and get commercial representation. The classes went great with some one on one teaching and I could tell that she was digging it when she came out of the class. Like any child when they experience a discovery of something interesting and new that they may be good at and at the very least, enjoy, you see a spark that this is worth pursuing.
The classes are expensive and require about a 2.5 hr drive each way, so it's another commitment on top of the modeling stuff. During our many drives we've often discussed things she could do to help her evolve. We've had some wonderful feedback from our close friend Will Seymour, who has been an Actor and teacher to young students for years. Besides being an all around wonderful person, he's been incredibly generous with his time in giving Maddie and I feedback as we go through this process and have questions. Will expressed how auditions can go and what the agents or clients are looking for. Someone who's willing to go out on a limb...take a risk....look a fool....show something fresh. When I think of it, I think of it right up there with free falling......."Please God, catch me before I fall!"
Maddie's at the age where if she can learn to take risks and get out of her comfort zone, I know it will benefit her in whatever challenge she may come across. So improv was at the top of my mind and many times Erik and I have discussed how those on SNL have come from some of the greatest learning backgrounds before they break out.
With that said, we enrolled Maddie in the Groundlings week workshop. I'm hoping if it works out, it'll be a scary, thrilling and safe place for Maddie to get a feel for her inner geek and let herself go. Forget about being a pretty face, forget about what people may perceive of her and let her just develop those thinking skills that many people ignore in a situation that requires an on the spot response to be witty and funny....not to mention working as a team.
So I'll let you know how it goes. Worse case, she may never want to do it again and will hate it. Best case, she will learn some skill sets that will serve her well in life. One of the best tools we can give our kids is to step out of their comfort zones....mix it up a bit and to not worry so much about falling flat on their face. Like Thomas Edison once said, " I have not failed," during one point of his experimenting to find a long burning filament. "I've just found ten thousand ways that don't work."
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Living out of a car....
There are literally months out of 2009 and this year where we have lived out of our car. Driving to and from L.A. is a minimum of 2.5 hours each way. I've made it once in an 1.5 hrs up but that was some bizarre moment in time where there was literally no one one the road and I could drive without braking once. In hindsight, it's like a dream and I'm starting to wonder now if it ever happened.
I have always been one of those people who loves to sing on the road. When you become a parent and the kids get old enough, you start to lose your music privileges by being out voted in the car. Not to mention, that my kids have never been big fans of my singing voice....which I think blends rather nicely from Prince on down to Third Eye Blind...but whatever. So when I do get those times on the road, when it's just me....I immediately revert back to being my pre-parent self and blare whatever song connects with me on that moment. The truth is, I can drive forever if I have some good tunes.
It is common family knowledge that if I don't know the words to a song, I have no problem making up my own and even go a step further to remember the words as I have now re-written them in my head. I didn't grow up with older siblings and quite honestly no one ever called me out on this "gift" until I met my husband. Turns out, I may be the go to person when it comes to movie trivia, having been raised since birth to appreciate the finer pts of all things related to movies. My husband, Erik, on the other hand is the quintessential music aficionado. He loves all music...classical, jazz, blues, rock, punk, reggae and even ska. You name it, he knows it....the year, the album, the members background and 99.9% of the time the words. For me to sing a song and not know the words verbatim.....is like nails on a chalkboard. ( We have sought counseling...) Erik loves music on a level that most would not realize. He is the first one to set the tone for guests coming over.....based on the theme of the evening. He's the go to guy for music lists on your Ipod or a music set for your party. He's the master educator of our children, schooling them in the House of Sjogren, so that now Dalton and Madison are masters of finding unknown bands and talent way before the general public has become aware of who they are or what kind of sound they're introducing. Erik has created in our kids, music snobs in a sense. Either its a classic, because of it's innovative sound for it's time or it's cutting edge and so over the top and above all else that it deserves a place on the Sjogren list of must haves.
All of this basically makes me a stranger in my own tribe. I am a pop princess.....a late bloomer to the appreciation of what music means....why lyrics where written and what the intent was of the artist. For me a song connected me to a moment with friends, a time in my life and that was it. It's been so difficult for my kids to acknowledge that I do not belong up on that music pedestal and that my musical tastes are rather ordinary and unoriginal. Thank God I get props for giving birth.....
So I explain all of this in detail so that you'll get a sense of what it's like, on the road with my daughter, hours on end. Our average trip is a minimum of 5 hrs. Some days, with multiple castings, may take more like 8-9 hours. And then there are the days from hell, when a simple fender bender can turn the 5 frwy into lookie loo hell.....and we're talking a 12 hour day. I'm not whining.....but just trying to paint a picture of what it means to commit to supporting your child in a quest that is no where near home.
Which takes us back to our car. I used to drive a Denali. An exceptional SUV for large families with either friends, family or luggage in tow. Leather seats and all the amenities that makes traveling with kids or clients, as comfortable and painless as possible. But then gas prices took hold and filling up our tank went from 50 dollars to over 100 and it was time to draw the line. I had worked as a Realtor and if I was going to survive in a market spiraling downwards...then I had to think smarter. So the Denali had to go and the hybrid was the new choice. Surprisingly, the kids loved it. They are the new Green Generation and the props I got for picking a car that was smart and green....well Mom got to a whole new cool factor. Inside, I grieved because I was now driving a car about the size I drove back in my college days. Same model even. It's not a sexy car....it's seated low, cloth seats and not a bling in sight. But, the tank took $22 dollars to fill and I could drive forever!! So I quickly let go of my inclination towards all that is luxurious and comfortable to that of what is smart and makes sense.
Once I decided to let go of my career in R.E., I almost started kicking myself for my choice when Maddie landed a contract with Ford. Once again, I kissed the hood of my little car that could and gave thanks for the man upstairs knowing better what we need than I know myself. Even as gas prices continued upwards, we were able to make the trip knowing we were getting the most bang for our buck. On top of which....I can park anywhere and without sounding too full of myself....I am the parallel parking master. So when it comes to L.A. and navigating areas that are completely unknown, I'd Mapquest our routes and quickly recruited Maddie to be my co-pilot. Learning freeways, exits, one way streets, parking garages and valets in L.A. is our expertise. You gotta know when to park it and know when your going to be in and out....where to dbl park and where to get the most bang for your buck if you need to pay and park.
On any day you would be impressed to find all the comforts of home in my car. Maddie is in charge of the music and has even gotten to the point where she will include my favorites so that I have some play time that keeps me awake and in a good mood. In return, Maddie has schooled me in some old classics like the Violent Femmes and The Cure for example as well as gotten me to a new appreciation for the Red Hot Chile Peppers and Devendra Banhart. It's a give and take to say the least. On top of which Maddie will have her pillow, items for a manicure, magazines, healthy snacks, lotion, eye make up remover, sunscreen, homework, and any changes of clothing or shoes needed for the trip. It's a girl mobile at its finest....the only thing missing is a bathroom and I can say with confidence that we have gone through a series of trial and errors, finding those key bathroom stops that are the absolute necessity for life on the road. Send me an email if you ever want my list. No charge ;)
Now, understand that I am not an adventurer by nature. I tend to be cautious and over think things although I've always secretly admired those that throw caution to the wind and just wing it. Initially, I felt overwhelmed by the daunting task of driving our girl all around and meeting people in the business. Just driving in L.A. can suck the life out of a normal person. But somewhere in that drive, I have found that there can be time for fighting on a grand scale, counseling sessions for teenagers in duress, explanations for my choices in life, a breakdown of my love life for my daughter to ponder and understand, great insight into the driving psyche of the those sharing the road, random blurbs and meltdowns, pep talks of extraordinary proportions, shared aspirations for the future and golden naps that every teenager cherishes.
Whatever road we're on in this process for Maddie, I have already gotten more face time with my daughter than I ever thought possible. Living out of our car during those peak months has made us both better people. The timing for a teenage daughter and her mid life mom has been amazing. Whereas most times the fights and disagreements are often at home, where each party can go to their own corner after a round....sitting like we do, in close proximity with the windows steamed up from our shouting is another test to fortitude on both our parts. Personally, I know that I'm a better parent for it. I've really had to learn to take a deep breath and listen. Not just hear what she's saying, but delve even further into what is happening or happened in the last few hours to get her to the point where she's attacking me on some level. I know I'm the safe place. We both know it's unconditional love. We've tested that theory to find it's true. We're learning on a whole other level what our triggers are with one another and how to suck it up when the other one has had enough. I'm learning and remembering how difficult it is to be a teenager. Your both deep and flighty all in the same breath. It's an ever changing chameleon of false bravado and insanity, all packaged together on a hormonal roller coaster. So much of that I had forgotten. Living out of a car can teach you a lot about life. Singing, the right lyrics, at the top of your lungs with your child....windows down and the wind blowing....well there are few moments that can top it. In fact, I highly recommend it.
I have always been one of those people who loves to sing on the road. When you become a parent and the kids get old enough, you start to lose your music privileges by being out voted in the car. Not to mention, that my kids have never been big fans of my singing voice....which I think blends rather nicely from Prince on down to Third Eye Blind...but whatever. So when I do get those times on the road, when it's just me....I immediately revert back to being my pre-parent self and blare whatever song connects with me on that moment. The truth is, I can drive forever if I have some good tunes.
It is common family knowledge that if I don't know the words to a song, I have no problem making up my own and even go a step further to remember the words as I have now re-written them in my head. I didn't grow up with older siblings and quite honestly no one ever called me out on this "gift" until I met my husband. Turns out, I may be the go to person when it comes to movie trivia, having been raised since birth to appreciate the finer pts of all things related to movies. My husband, Erik, on the other hand is the quintessential music aficionado. He loves all music...classical, jazz, blues, rock, punk, reggae and even ska. You name it, he knows it....the year, the album, the members background and 99.9% of the time the words. For me to sing a song and not know the words verbatim.....is like nails on a chalkboard. ( We have sought counseling...) Erik loves music on a level that most would not realize. He is the first one to set the tone for guests coming over.....based on the theme of the evening. He's the go to guy for music lists on your Ipod or a music set for your party. He's the master educator of our children, schooling them in the House of Sjogren, so that now Dalton and Madison are masters of finding unknown bands and talent way before the general public has become aware of who they are or what kind of sound they're introducing. Erik has created in our kids, music snobs in a sense. Either its a classic, because of it's innovative sound for it's time or it's cutting edge and so over the top and above all else that it deserves a place on the Sjogren list of must haves.
All of this basically makes me a stranger in my own tribe. I am a pop princess.....a late bloomer to the appreciation of what music means....why lyrics where written and what the intent was of the artist. For me a song connected me to a moment with friends, a time in my life and that was it. It's been so difficult for my kids to acknowledge that I do not belong up on that music pedestal and that my musical tastes are rather ordinary and unoriginal. Thank God I get props for giving birth.....
So I explain all of this in detail so that you'll get a sense of what it's like, on the road with my daughter, hours on end. Our average trip is a minimum of 5 hrs. Some days, with multiple castings, may take more like 8-9 hours. And then there are the days from hell, when a simple fender bender can turn the 5 frwy into lookie loo hell.....and we're talking a 12 hour day. I'm not whining.....but just trying to paint a picture of what it means to commit to supporting your child in a quest that is no where near home.
Which takes us back to our car. I used to drive a Denali. An exceptional SUV for large families with either friends, family or luggage in tow. Leather seats and all the amenities that makes traveling with kids or clients, as comfortable and painless as possible. But then gas prices took hold and filling up our tank went from 50 dollars to over 100 and it was time to draw the line. I had worked as a Realtor and if I was going to survive in a market spiraling downwards...then I had to think smarter. So the Denali had to go and the hybrid was the new choice. Surprisingly, the kids loved it. They are the new Green Generation and the props I got for picking a car that was smart and green....well Mom got to a whole new cool factor. Inside, I grieved because I was now driving a car about the size I drove back in my college days. Same model even. It's not a sexy car....it's seated low, cloth seats and not a bling in sight. But, the tank took $22 dollars to fill and I could drive forever!! So I quickly let go of my inclination towards all that is luxurious and comfortable to that of what is smart and makes sense.
Once I decided to let go of my career in R.E., I almost started kicking myself for my choice when Maddie landed a contract with Ford. Once again, I kissed the hood of my little car that could and gave thanks for the man upstairs knowing better what we need than I know myself. Even as gas prices continued upwards, we were able to make the trip knowing we were getting the most bang for our buck. On top of which....I can park anywhere and without sounding too full of myself....I am the parallel parking master. So when it comes to L.A. and navigating areas that are completely unknown, I'd Mapquest our routes and quickly recruited Maddie to be my co-pilot. Learning freeways, exits, one way streets, parking garages and valets in L.A. is our expertise. You gotta know when to park it and know when your going to be in and out....where to dbl park and where to get the most bang for your buck if you need to pay and park.
On any day you would be impressed to find all the comforts of home in my car. Maddie is in charge of the music and has even gotten to the point where she will include my favorites so that I have some play time that keeps me awake and in a good mood. In return, Maddie has schooled me in some old classics like the Violent Femmes and The Cure for example as well as gotten me to a new appreciation for the Red Hot Chile Peppers and Devendra Banhart. It's a give and take to say the least. On top of which Maddie will have her pillow, items for a manicure, magazines, healthy snacks, lotion, eye make up remover, sunscreen, homework, and any changes of clothing or shoes needed for the trip. It's a girl mobile at its finest....the only thing missing is a bathroom and I can say with confidence that we have gone through a series of trial and errors, finding those key bathroom stops that are the absolute necessity for life on the road. Send me an email if you ever want my list. No charge ;)
Now, understand that I am not an adventurer by nature. I tend to be cautious and over think things although I've always secretly admired those that throw caution to the wind and just wing it. Initially, I felt overwhelmed by the daunting task of driving our girl all around and meeting people in the business. Just driving in L.A. can suck the life out of a normal person. But somewhere in that drive, I have found that there can be time for fighting on a grand scale, counseling sessions for teenagers in duress, explanations for my choices in life, a breakdown of my love life for my daughter to ponder and understand, great insight into the driving psyche of the those sharing the road, random blurbs and meltdowns, pep talks of extraordinary proportions, shared aspirations for the future and golden naps that every teenager cherishes.
Whatever road we're on in this process for Maddie, I have already gotten more face time with my daughter than I ever thought possible. Living out of our car during those peak months has made us both better people. The timing for a teenage daughter and her mid life mom has been amazing. Whereas most times the fights and disagreements are often at home, where each party can go to their own corner after a round....sitting like we do, in close proximity with the windows steamed up from our shouting is another test to fortitude on both our parts. Personally, I know that I'm a better parent for it. I've really had to learn to take a deep breath and listen. Not just hear what she's saying, but delve even further into what is happening or happened in the last few hours to get her to the point where she's attacking me on some level. I know I'm the safe place. We both know it's unconditional love. We've tested that theory to find it's true. We're learning on a whole other level what our triggers are with one another and how to suck it up when the other one has had enough. I'm learning and remembering how difficult it is to be a teenager. Your both deep and flighty all in the same breath. It's an ever changing chameleon of false bravado and insanity, all packaged together on a hormonal roller coaster. So much of that I had forgotten. Living out of a car can teach you a lot about life. Singing, the right lyrics, at the top of your lungs with your child....windows down and the wind blowing....well there are few moments that can top it. In fact, I highly recommend it.
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Motherhood & Modeling
There's a lot of stress involved when your the parent of a child that's going into modeling. I've felt similar stress when it comes to watching Jackson's soccer games or watching Dalton put himself on the line for an event. As a parent your hoping and praying that your child does their best and can feel good once it's all said and done. You hurt when they fall short of their own expectations and you encourage them to try again another day. When your child has some success you feel their joy and excitement and you know that some days are good days and some days are bad days and just to enjoy and learn as you go.
Seeing Maddie go into modeling and being with her during much of the journey, I've often found myself holding my breath. Watching her first runway show up in Los Angeles, after practicing with her in heels on our living room floor, I could barely breathe. Praying to God she wouldn't fall.....that in the midst of being thrown into her first catwalk in four inch heels, after spending the majority of her time in her favorite Converse shoes, she would somehow have fun and enjoy the moment.
Her first photo shoot for a purse line was unforgettable on many levels. She was on the shoot with two other models who were about 2-3 years older than Maddie. Both had much more experience and were very relaxed and ready to go. Maddie and I had no idea what to expect.....so as with every other new experience, we prepared by packing everything but the kitchen sink.....shoes, bras, undergarments, cushions for heels, safety pins, bobby pins, make up, deodorant, snacks, water, books........you name it, we packed it. The shoot was in the private home of the photographer who lived in the downtown garment district in L.A. An artsy, open loft apartment rows of clothes on wheelies, tables set up with the purses and all the accessories, lighting fixtures, set materials, cameras and of course a bevy of stylists, assistants, friends of friends and last but not least, the make up and hair stylist.
I did my best to stay out of the way, while they started working on Maddie, doing her hair and then make up. It was my first time to meet some of the other parents and start to ask the long line of questions in a low key fashion.....so that I could get some sort of insight into what to expect and how to support.
There's no manual for parents on what means what in this business. It's a figure it out as you go and just realize that what you learned today may not necessarily apply the next time around.
My first surprise is that Maddie didn't want me on the set. This wasn't a conversation that we had going into it. From my perspective it was a given that I would be there and I would be watching....protecting. But from my teenage daughter's perspective, how was she supposed to become somebody else in front of the camera when mom is standing....RIGHT THERE! So there's Maddie....shooting me evil glares from the set...shooing me to go away and I'm there...a bit mortified and completely caught off guard as to what to do. I don't want to upset her and screw up her opportunity to do well, but I don't know these strangers and I'm at a loss of what my role is and how to do that role. I can honestly say, I lost my footing a bit that day as a mom. I've been a parent at this point for some 18 years and it takes a lot to make me feel unsure.....but that day, I found myself freaking out a bit internally and trying to handle this new situation with grace and dignity and without having my teenage daughter dictate to me what is appropriate and what is not.
A huge blessing was one of the other mom's. She stood up and would watch Maddie when she was on set and communicate to me how things were going. She saw my struggle and pulled me aside to share some advice. That there will often be people on the set that don't have scruples....they'll use their camera phones to take pictures when models are changing or to take their own photos when a blouse has come off the shoulder showing more skin than intended. As parents...we are their guardians and protectors. We are the only one's who aren't there for the money or for the fame, but to make sure their experience is the safest it can be. That not matter how well intention a client and crew may be with models who are underage.....they do forget the models ages and will have conversations, comments and opinions that are inappropriate for a minor child. Even worse.....after your child has worked in the industry and been around so many adults in an adult world....your child will start to get a false sense of "maturity"....start to relate and feel that they are capable of dictating what's appropriate and what's not.
The shoot went fine and after about seven hours Maddie was done for the day and able to pick out two purses from the line as it wasn't a paying job but they did offer free merchandise. Maddie walked out of that job with two purses that were worth well over 800.00. I, on the other hand, walked out of their with a new found understanding of my role and the conversations that I needed to start having with our daughter.
The process of raising a teenager is some of the most angst ridden and joyful times of my life. Extreme highs and extreme lows. I felt like someone stole my little girl and replaced her in 6th grade with this moody wench that didn't like me most of the time. Get a few more years into the hormonal stages of puberty and then throw in a modeling career to crank it up a notch....and now you've got the perfect storm. Her trying to figure out who she is and how to grow up and me trying to mold, support and understand without losing my mind in the process.
By far, in the last year, our relationship has proven to be the most complex and interesting of my life. Your daughter.....my daughter....it's a slippery slope...motherhood. But I understood that if I didn't own this experience for her....own making the decisions, being consistent on what the boundaries are for her and what her role and responsibilities are for herself and her family that we could just pack our bags and not give this modeling gig another thought. We either do this right or why bother.
So over time, Maddie became more comfortable in front of a camera and having her mom nearby wasn't a big deal. It took a lot of time but she got there. For me, I've learned to look without staring....to give her space to be who she needs to be and then to bring it all back to normal when the day is done.
The gift, is having so much time with my girl. Seeing her on an intimate level, figure out who she is and what she likes or doesn't like about herself and others. I am her greatest cheerleader.....and even on those long rides home, when she's picking a fight with me just because and we both can't stand the sight of one another....I give thanks. Thanks for being her mom and protector. It really is the greatest gift.
Seeing Maddie go into modeling and being with her during much of the journey, I've often found myself holding my breath. Watching her first runway show up in Los Angeles, after practicing with her in heels on our living room floor, I could barely breathe. Praying to God she wouldn't fall.....that in the midst of being thrown into her first catwalk in four inch heels, after spending the majority of her time in her favorite Converse shoes, she would somehow have fun and enjoy the moment.
Her first photo shoot for a purse line was unforgettable on many levels. She was on the shoot with two other models who were about 2-3 years older than Maddie. Both had much more experience and were very relaxed and ready to go. Maddie and I had no idea what to expect.....so as with every other new experience, we prepared by packing everything but the kitchen sink.....shoes, bras, undergarments, cushions for heels, safety pins, bobby pins, make up, deodorant, snacks, water, books........you name it, we packed it. The shoot was in the private home of the photographer who lived in the downtown garment district in L.A. An artsy, open loft apartment rows of clothes on wheelies, tables set up with the purses and all the accessories, lighting fixtures, set materials, cameras and of course a bevy of stylists, assistants, friends of friends and last but not least, the make up and hair stylist.
I did my best to stay out of the way, while they started working on Maddie, doing her hair and then make up. It was my first time to meet some of the other parents and start to ask the long line of questions in a low key fashion.....so that I could get some sort of insight into what to expect and how to support.
There's no manual for parents on what means what in this business. It's a figure it out as you go and just realize that what you learned today may not necessarily apply the next time around.
My first surprise is that Maddie didn't want me on the set. This wasn't a conversation that we had going into it. From my perspective it was a given that I would be there and I would be watching....protecting. But from my teenage daughter's perspective, how was she supposed to become somebody else in front of the camera when mom is standing....RIGHT THERE! So there's Maddie....shooting me evil glares from the set...shooing me to go away and I'm there...a bit mortified and completely caught off guard as to what to do. I don't want to upset her and screw up her opportunity to do well, but I don't know these strangers and I'm at a loss of what my role is and how to do that role. I can honestly say, I lost my footing a bit that day as a mom. I've been a parent at this point for some 18 years and it takes a lot to make me feel unsure.....but that day, I found myself freaking out a bit internally and trying to handle this new situation with grace and dignity and without having my teenage daughter dictate to me what is appropriate and what is not.
A huge blessing was one of the other mom's. She stood up and would watch Maddie when she was on set and communicate to me how things were going. She saw my struggle and pulled me aside to share some advice. That there will often be people on the set that don't have scruples....they'll use their camera phones to take pictures when models are changing or to take their own photos when a blouse has come off the shoulder showing more skin than intended. As parents...we are their guardians and protectors. We are the only one's who aren't there for the money or for the fame, but to make sure their experience is the safest it can be. That not matter how well intention a client and crew may be with models who are underage.....they do forget the models ages and will have conversations, comments and opinions that are inappropriate for a minor child. Even worse.....after your child has worked in the industry and been around so many adults in an adult world....your child will start to get a false sense of "maturity"....start to relate and feel that they are capable of dictating what's appropriate and what's not.
The shoot went fine and after about seven hours Maddie was done for the day and able to pick out two purses from the line as it wasn't a paying job but they did offer free merchandise. Maddie walked out of that job with two purses that were worth well over 800.00. I, on the other hand, walked out of their with a new found understanding of my role and the conversations that I needed to start having with our daughter.
The process of raising a teenager is some of the most angst ridden and joyful times of my life. Extreme highs and extreme lows. I felt like someone stole my little girl and replaced her in 6th grade with this moody wench that didn't like me most of the time. Get a few more years into the hormonal stages of puberty and then throw in a modeling career to crank it up a notch....and now you've got the perfect storm. Her trying to figure out who she is and how to grow up and me trying to mold, support and understand without losing my mind in the process.
By far, in the last year, our relationship has proven to be the most complex and interesting of my life. Your daughter.....my daughter....it's a slippery slope...motherhood. But I understood that if I didn't own this experience for her....own making the decisions, being consistent on what the boundaries are for her and what her role and responsibilities are for herself and her family that we could just pack our bags and not give this modeling gig another thought. We either do this right or why bother.
So over time, Maddie became more comfortable in front of a camera and having her mom nearby wasn't a big deal. It took a lot of time but she got there. For me, I've learned to look without staring....to give her space to be who she needs to be and then to bring it all back to normal when the day is done.
The gift, is having so much time with my girl. Seeing her on an intimate level, figure out who she is and what she likes or doesn't like about herself and others. I am her greatest cheerleader.....and even on those long rides home, when she's picking a fight with me just because and we both can't stand the sight of one another....I give thanks. Thanks for being her mom and protector. It really is the greatest gift.
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
First year.....first meltdown
The first year for our family with a model in the midst was a chaos filled day to day blitz. The modeling world has no sense of timing or planning when it comes to rhyme or reason, this we learned first hand.
Things started out slow enough with some photo shoots to build Maddie's book. In the first few months we had sat down with the agents from New York that were out to L.A. to meet all the New Faces. Where we felt all tense and spring loaded on adrenaline, not knowing what to expect.....they were completely laid back, relaxed and wanting us to take a deep breath and let things unfold in a "organic" way. I immediately got it. That everything is going to happen in it's own time and in it's own way. That no matter what your imagination and expectations may be.....the reality is what it is, so better to just take a deep breath and go with the flow.
That meeting was a blessing for me as a parent. It centered my frame of thought, in terms of forming my priorities for our daughter. No matter what my preconceived notions were about modeling, each young person that signs with an agency is going to have their own unique experience. No need to try and second guess what is or isn't going to happen. All that is important is that Maddie is enjoying her opportunities and growing in the process.
The goal for the first year is to build a model's book and to gain as much experience as possible for the model in front of the camera in different settings. As the model builds his/her book, they also go on numerous castings which with Ford will typically be a client requesting a certain look and those models going to the casting site with their book in hand to be evaluated. For us, living in San Diego, a casting is a minimum of a 2.5 hour drive up and back. Typically, castings will give you 24 hrs notice or less. Not a lot, when your a parent with a family and responsibilities and definitely a challenge for any model in school.
Since Maddie signed with Ford in the last few months of 8th grade, we got a healthy dose of what missing school would mean in terms of attending a regular school. In order for any minor child to obtain a work permit for the entertainment industry, the child must meet grade and attendance requirements as well as pass a health exam. So right away, we saw an issue with the school noting missed attendance on our work permit application. And that was just the initial meetings w/ Ford and getting going in the process. So I immediately put her name in for a new charter school and set up a meeting with the principal so that we could discuss what was realistic. Both Erik and I wanted her to have the experience and education that comes with attending school. Home school would be the very last option from our perspective, when it comes to High School. Your evolution as an individual comes from all of the self discovery you make amidst your peers and among the learning experiences your instructors put before you. We understood from the outset that modeling can be here today and gone tomorrow, but her development as a young teenager and understanding her place in the world comes from being a student on all levels.
What I would sometimes lose sight of is that teenagers never see themselves for who they are. Kids are basically mood rings and their color can change in the blink of an eye, depending on who they're with and how many hormones are zinging around on that particular day. When I see our kids, I see them as whole individuals where a pimple or a bad hair day doesn't deflect from their wonderfulness. That's a "mom's" perspective.....but a teen's reality is on very shaky ground. Take a 14 year old girl, who's hair isn't cooperating and throw in a pimple and you've got an emotional meltdown in the making. Throw in a casting on that day and you may need back up.
Maddie had been to a couple of castings but still had limited exposure in front of a camera. Most castings the model goes in, shows her book, chats a second and your done. They like you or they don't. Some castings they'll take a few digi's (digital pics) and your done. They'll call you.
We made the drive one day and went in for the casting. Each time, I could see Maddie's eyes taking in all the beautiful young gals their from all different agencies. You've never seen so much gorgeousness in a room until you've been to one of these castings. The longest healthiest hair....glowing skin....gorgeous features...legs that go for ever....no fat in sight and the majority of the models are about 16-22 years of age and have had time to cultivate some confidence or they know how to fake it if they aren't feeling it.
This particular casting required that the models put on sample clothes and shoes...with heels that were about four inches. The models had to put their own hair up without a mirrow and then come out for photos on a set with little direction. So I watch Maddie and I see the stress and tension start to settle in. I see her gage the other young women and see her try and watch what they're doing so she can get a few clues on the process. But her inexperience shoes and as she wobbles to the set......having only just started walking in heels.....and her hair is pulled off her face so she has nothing to hide behind......it's all she can do to maintain her composure. She takes the shots.....her smiles are forced and her posture is awkward and then she's changed and running to the car faster than I can keep up. The tears start before we can get the door open.
I'm too afraid to speak. If I had more experience myself, I would have known not to say a word because nothing that came out of my mouth at this time was going to help. I am MOM after all.....and Mom's don't know anything. You could have cut the tension with a knife. I started driving and I tried to make light of it but my first sentence was the match to light the fire. The tears started and the pain and frustration of knowing she wasn't prepared or experienced enough set in. I wanted to cry along with her. I wanted to fix it and let her know that this is just part of the learning curve. She was paying her dues in a way and to get through any growth moment.....you just have to get through it. Maddie swore she was done and would never model again. She was humiliated and overwhelmed with feeling 14.
Earlier, I had wondered if her lack of preparation would soon come into play. Ford tells all the new models to do their homework. Practice in front of a mirror with your walking. Learn some standard poses....your go to shots for working in front of the camera. Watch videos to get a sense of what works for you. I reminded Maddie of this advice frequently, but in reality I think it just sounded like "Go clean your room".
We finally got to a restaurant after about an hour's drive. Once we got our drinks I decided to say what I had been thinking all along. When opportunity presents itself....your either prepared or your not. This time....you weren't. Lesson learned. Done. Put it aside and move on. What's important is that every time you go out to a casting or a shoot.....that your learning something. Something about the industry.....something about yourself. What I learned about Maddie that day was.....she's incredibly strong inside, even though she doesn't yet know it. At fourteen, she had the fortitude to finish the casting even though she knew she wasn't up to it. She didn't crack when in front of the camera or in front of the people on the set. She held it together when I know that at that age, I would have started tearing up just waiting for my turn.
By that night, after time to think.....Maddie was back in the game. She figured she'd do better next time and that she still wanted to keep going. She wasn't a quitter and she wasn't going to give up so easily. I couldn't have felt any prouder.
Things started out slow enough with some photo shoots to build Maddie's book. In the first few months we had sat down with the agents from New York that were out to L.A. to meet all the New Faces. Where we felt all tense and spring loaded on adrenaline, not knowing what to expect.....they were completely laid back, relaxed and wanting us to take a deep breath and let things unfold in a "organic" way. I immediately got it. That everything is going to happen in it's own time and in it's own way. That no matter what your imagination and expectations may be.....the reality is what it is, so better to just take a deep breath and go with the flow.
That meeting was a blessing for me as a parent. It centered my frame of thought, in terms of forming my priorities for our daughter. No matter what my preconceived notions were about modeling, each young person that signs with an agency is going to have their own unique experience. No need to try and second guess what is or isn't going to happen. All that is important is that Maddie is enjoying her opportunities and growing in the process.
The goal for the first year is to build a model's book and to gain as much experience as possible for the model in front of the camera in different settings. As the model builds his/her book, they also go on numerous castings which with Ford will typically be a client requesting a certain look and those models going to the casting site with their book in hand to be evaluated. For us, living in San Diego, a casting is a minimum of a 2.5 hour drive up and back. Typically, castings will give you 24 hrs notice or less. Not a lot, when your a parent with a family and responsibilities and definitely a challenge for any model in school.
Since Maddie signed with Ford in the last few months of 8th grade, we got a healthy dose of what missing school would mean in terms of attending a regular school. In order for any minor child to obtain a work permit for the entertainment industry, the child must meet grade and attendance requirements as well as pass a health exam. So right away, we saw an issue with the school noting missed attendance on our work permit application. And that was just the initial meetings w/ Ford and getting going in the process. So I immediately put her name in for a new charter school and set up a meeting with the principal so that we could discuss what was realistic. Both Erik and I wanted her to have the experience and education that comes with attending school. Home school would be the very last option from our perspective, when it comes to High School. Your evolution as an individual comes from all of the self discovery you make amidst your peers and among the learning experiences your instructors put before you. We understood from the outset that modeling can be here today and gone tomorrow, but her development as a young teenager and understanding her place in the world comes from being a student on all levels.
What I would sometimes lose sight of is that teenagers never see themselves for who they are. Kids are basically mood rings and their color can change in the blink of an eye, depending on who they're with and how many hormones are zinging around on that particular day. When I see our kids, I see them as whole individuals where a pimple or a bad hair day doesn't deflect from their wonderfulness. That's a "mom's" perspective.....but a teen's reality is on very shaky ground. Take a 14 year old girl, who's hair isn't cooperating and throw in a pimple and you've got an emotional meltdown in the making. Throw in a casting on that day and you may need back up.
Maddie had been to a couple of castings but still had limited exposure in front of a camera. Most castings the model goes in, shows her book, chats a second and your done. They like you or they don't. Some castings they'll take a few digi's (digital pics) and your done. They'll call you.
We made the drive one day and went in for the casting. Each time, I could see Maddie's eyes taking in all the beautiful young gals their from all different agencies. You've never seen so much gorgeousness in a room until you've been to one of these castings. The longest healthiest hair....glowing skin....gorgeous features...legs that go for ever....no fat in sight and the majority of the models are about 16-22 years of age and have had time to cultivate some confidence or they know how to fake it if they aren't feeling it.
This particular casting required that the models put on sample clothes and shoes...with heels that were about four inches. The models had to put their own hair up without a mirrow and then come out for photos on a set with little direction. So I watch Maddie and I see the stress and tension start to settle in. I see her gage the other young women and see her try and watch what they're doing so she can get a few clues on the process. But her inexperience shoes and as she wobbles to the set......having only just started walking in heels.....and her hair is pulled off her face so she has nothing to hide behind......it's all she can do to maintain her composure. She takes the shots.....her smiles are forced and her posture is awkward and then she's changed and running to the car faster than I can keep up. The tears start before we can get the door open.
I'm too afraid to speak. If I had more experience myself, I would have known not to say a word because nothing that came out of my mouth at this time was going to help. I am MOM after all.....and Mom's don't know anything. You could have cut the tension with a knife. I started driving and I tried to make light of it but my first sentence was the match to light the fire. The tears started and the pain and frustration of knowing she wasn't prepared or experienced enough set in. I wanted to cry along with her. I wanted to fix it and let her know that this is just part of the learning curve. She was paying her dues in a way and to get through any growth moment.....you just have to get through it. Maddie swore she was done and would never model again. She was humiliated and overwhelmed with feeling 14.
Earlier, I had wondered if her lack of preparation would soon come into play. Ford tells all the new models to do their homework. Practice in front of a mirror with your walking. Learn some standard poses....your go to shots for working in front of the camera. Watch videos to get a sense of what works for you. I reminded Maddie of this advice frequently, but in reality I think it just sounded like "Go clean your room".
We finally got to a restaurant after about an hour's drive. Once we got our drinks I decided to say what I had been thinking all along. When opportunity presents itself....your either prepared or your not. This time....you weren't. Lesson learned. Done. Put it aside and move on. What's important is that every time you go out to a casting or a shoot.....that your learning something. Something about the industry.....something about yourself. What I learned about Maddie that day was.....she's incredibly strong inside, even though she doesn't yet know it. At fourteen, she had the fortitude to finish the casting even though she knew she wasn't up to it. She didn't crack when in front of the camera or in front of the people on the set. She held it together when I know that at that age, I would have started tearing up just waiting for my turn.
By that night, after time to think.....Maddie was back in the game. She figured she'd do better next time and that she still wanted to keep going. She wasn't a quitter and she wasn't going to give up so easily. I couldn't have felt any prouder.
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