There are literally months out of 2009 and this year where we have lived out of our car. Driving to and from L.A. is a minimum of 2.5 hours each way. I've made it once in an 1.5 hrs up but that was some bizarre moment in time where there was literally no one one the road and I could drive without braking once. In hindsight, it's like a dream and I'm starting to wonder now if it ever happened.
I have always been one of those people who loves to sing on the road. When you become a parent and the kids get old enough, you start to lose your music privileges by being out voted in the car. Not to mention, that my kids have never been big fans of my singing voice....which I think blends rather nicely from Prince on down to Third Eye Blind...but whatever. So when I do get those times on the road, when it's just me....I immediately revert back to being my pre-parent self and blare whatever song connects with me on that moment. The truth is, I can drive forever if I have some good tunes.
It is common family knowledge that if I don't know the words to a song, I have no problem making up my own and even go a step further to remember the words as I have now re-written them in my head. I didn't grow up with older siblings and quite honestly no one ever called me out on this "gift" until I met my husband. Turns out, I may be the go to person when it comes to movie trivia, having been raised since birth to appreciate the finer pts of all things related to movies. My husband, Erik, on the other hand is the quintessential music aficionado. He loves all music...classical, jazz, blues, rock, punk, reggae and even ska. You name it, he knows it....the year, the album, the members background and 99.9% of the time the words. For me to sing a song and not know the words verbatim.....is like nails on a chalkboard. ( We have sought counseling...) Erik loves music on a level that most would not realize. He is the first one to set the tone for guests coming over.....based on the theme of the evening. He's the go to guy for music lists on your Ipod or a music set for your party. He's the master educator of our children, schooling them in the House of Sjogren, so that now Dalton and Madison are masters of finding unknown bands and talent way before the general public has become aware of who they are or what kind of sound they're introducing. Erik has created in our kids, music snobs in a sense. Either its a classic, because of it's innovative sound for it's time or it's cutting edge and so over the top and above all else that it deserves a place on the Sjogren list of must haves.
All of this basically makes me a stranger in my own tribe. I am a pop princess.....a late bloomer to the appreciation of what music means....why lyrics where written and what the intent was of the artist. For me a song connected me to a moment with friends, a time in my life and that was it. It's been so difficult for my kids to acknowledge that I do not belong up on that music pedestal and that my musical tastes are rather ordinary and unoriginal. Thank God I get props for giving birth.....
So I explain all of this in detail so that you'll get a sense of what it's like, on the road with my daughter, hours on end. Our average trip is a minimum of 5 hrs. Some days, with multiple castings, may take more like 8-9 hours. And then there are the days from hell, when a simple fender bender can turn the 5 frwy into lookie loo hell.....and we're talking a 12 hour day. I'm not whining.....but just trying to paint a picture of what it means to commit to supporting your child in a quest that is no where near home.
Which takes us back to our car. I used to drive a Denali. An exceptional SUV for large families with either friends, family or luggage in tow. Leather seats and all the amenities that makes traveling with kids or clients, as comfortable and painless as possible. But then gas prices took hold and filling up our tank went from 50 dollars to over 100 and it was time to draw the line. I had worked as a Realtor and if I was going to survive in a market spiraling downwards...then I had to think smarter. So the Denali had to go and the hybrid was the new choice. Surprisingly, the kids loved it. They are the new Green Generation and the props I got for picking a car that was smart and green....well Mom got to a whole new cool factor. Inside, I grieved because I was now driving a car about the size I drove back in my college days. Same model even. It's not a sexy car....it's seated low, cloth seats and not a bling in sight. But, the tank took $22 dollars to fill and I could drive forever!! So I quickly let go of my inclination towards all that is luxurious and comfortable to that of what is smart and makes sense.
Once I decided to let go of my career in R.E., I almost started kicking myself for my choice when Maddie landed a contract with Ford. Once again, I kissed the hood of my little car that could and gave thanks for the man upstairs knowing better what we need than I know myself. Even as gas prices continued upwards, we were able to make the trip knowing we were getting the most bang for our buck. On top of which....I can park anywhere and without sounding too full of myself....I am the parallel parking master. So when it comes to L.A. and navigating areas that are completely unknown, I'd Mapquest our routes and quickly recruited Maddie to be my co-pilot. Learning freeways, exits, one way streets, parking garages and valets in L.A. is our expertise. You gotta know when to park it and know when your going to be in and out....where to dbl park and where to get the most bang for your buck if you need to pay and park.
On any day you would be impressed to find all the comforts of home in my car. Maddie is in charge of the music and has even gotten to the point where she will include my favorites so that I have some play time that keeps me awake and in a good mood. In return, Maddie has schooled me in some old classics like the Violent Femmes and The Cure for example as well as gotten me to a new appreciation for the Red Hot Chile Peppers and Devendra Banhart. It's a give and take to say the least. On top of which Maddie will have her pillow, items for a manicure, magazines, healthy snacks, lotion, eye make up remover, sunscreen, homework, and any changes of clothing or shoes needed for the trip. It's a girl mobile at its finest....the only thing missing is a bathroom and I can say with confidence that we have gone through a series of trial and errors, finding those key bathroom stops that are the absolute necessity for life on the road. Send me an email if you ever want my list. No charge ;)
Now, understand that I am not an adventurer by nature. I tend to be cautious and over think things although I've always secretly admired those that throw caution to the wind and just wing it. Initially, I felt overwhelmed by the daunting task of driving our girl all around and meeting people in the business. Just driving in L.A. can suck the life out of a normal person. But somewhere in that drive, I have found that there can be time for fighting on a grand scale, counseling sessions for teenagers in duress, explanations for my choices in life, a breakdown of my love life for my daughter to ponder and understand, great insight into the driving psyche of the those sharing the road, random blurbs and meltdowns, pep talks of extraordinary proportions, shared aspirations for the future and golden naps that every teenager cherishes.
Whatever road we're on in this process for Maddie, I have already gotten more face time with my daughter than I ever thought possible. Living out of our car during those peak months has made us both better people. The timing for a teenage daughter and her mid life mom has been amazing. Whereas most times the fights and disagreements are often at home, where each party can go to their own corner after a round....sitting like we do, in close proximity with the windows steamed up from our shouting is another test to fortitude on both our parts. Personally, I know that I'm a better parent for it. I've really had to learn to take a deep breath and listen. Not just hear what she's saying, but delve even further into what is happening or happened in the last few hours to get her to the point where she's attacking me on some level. I know I'm the safe place. We both know it's unconditional love. We've tested that theory to find it's true. We're learning on a whole other level what our triggers are with one another and how to suck it up when the other one has had enough. I'm learning and remembering how difficult it is to be a teenager. Your both deep and flighty all in the same breath. It's an ever changing chameleon of false bravado and insanity, all packaged together on a hormonal roller coaster. So much of that I had forgotten. Living out of a car can teach you a lot about life. Singing, the right lyrics, at the top of your lungs with your child....windows down and the wind blowing....well there are few moments that can top it. In fact, I highly recommend it.
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