There's a lot of stress involved when your the parent of a child that's going into modeling. I've felt similar stress when it comes to watching Jackson's soccer games or watching Dalton put himself on the line for an event. As a parent your hoping and praying that your child does their best and can feel good once it's all said and done. You hurt when they fall short of their own expectations and you encourage them to try again another day. When your child has some success you feel their joy and excitement and you know that some days are good days and some days are bad days and just to enjoy and learn as you go.
Seeing Maddie go into modeling and being with her during much of the journey, I've often found myself holding my breath. Watching her first runway show up in Los Angeles, after practicing with her in heels on our living room floor, I could barely breathe. Praying to God she wouldn't fall.....that in the midst of being thrown into her first catwalk in four inch heels, after spending the majority of her time in her favorite Converse shoes, she would somehow have fun and enjoy the moment.
Her first photo shoot for a purse line was unforgettable on many levels. She was on the shoot with two other models who were about 2-3 years older than Maddie. Both had much more experience and were very relaxed and ready to go. Maddie and I had no idea what to expect.....so as with every other new experience, we prepared by packing everything but the kitchen sink.....shoes, bras, undergarments, cushions for heels, safety pins, bobby pins, make up, deodorant, snacks, water, books........you name it, we packed it. The shoot was in the private home of the photographer who lived in the downtown garment district in L.A. An artsy, open loft apartment rows of clothes on wheelies, tables set up with the purses and all the accessories, lighting fixtures, set materials, cameras and of course a bevy of stylists, assistants, friends of friends and last but not least, the make up and hair stylist.
I did my best to stay out of the way, while they started working on Maddie, doing her hair and then make up. It was my first time to meet some of the other parents and start to ask the long line of questions in a low key fashion.....so that I could get some sort of insight into what to expect and how to support.
There's no manual for parents on what means what in this business. It's a figure it out as you go and just realize that what you learned today may not necessarily apply the next time around.
My first surprise is that Maddie didn't want me on the set. This wasn't a conversation that we had going into it. From my perspective it was a given that I would be there and I would be watching....protecting. But from my teenage daughter's perspective, how was she supposed to become somebody else in front of the camera when mom is standing....RIGHT THERE! So there's Maddie....shooting me evil glares from the set...shooing me to go away and I'm there...a bit mortified and completely caught off guard as to what to do. I don't want to upset her and screw up her opportunity to do well, but I don't know these strangers and I'm at a loss of what my role is and how to do that role. I can honestly say, I lost my footing a bit that day as a mom. I've been a parent at this point for some 18 years and it takes a lot to make me feel unsure.....but that day, I found myself freaking out a bit internally and trying to handle this new situation with grace and dignity and without having my teenage daughter dictate to me what is appropriate and what is not.
A huge blessing was one of the other mom's. She stood up and would watch Maddie when she was on set and communicate to me how things were going. She saw my struggle and pulled me aside to share some advice. That there will often be people on the set that don't have scruples....they'll use their camera phones to take pictures when models are changing or to take their own photos when a blouse has come off the shoulder showing more skin than intended. As parents...we are their guardians and protectors. We are the only one's who aren't there for the money or for the fame, but to make sure their experience is the safest it can be. That not matter how well intention a client and crew may be with models who are underage.....they do forget the models ages and will have conversations, comments and opinions that are inappropriate for a minor child. Even worse.....after your child has worked in the industry and been around so many adults in an adult world....your child will start to get a false sense of "maturity"....start to relate and feel that they are capable of dictating what's appropriate and what's not.
The shoot went fine and after about seven hours Maddie was done for the day and able to pick out two purses from the line as it wasn't a paying job but they did offer free merchandise. Maddie walked out of that job with two purses that were worth well over 800.00. I, on the other hand, walked out of their with a new found understanding of my role and the conversations that I needed to start having with our daughter.
The process of raising a teenager is some of the most angst ridden and joyful times of my life. Extreme highs and extreme lows. I felt like someone stole my little girl and replaced her in 6th grade with this moody wench that didn't like me most of the time. Get a few more years into the hormonal stages of puberty and then throw in a modeling career to crank it up a notch....and now you've got the perfect storm. Her trying to figure out who she is and how to grow up and me trying to mold, support and understand without losing my mind in the process.
By far, in the last year, our relationship has proven to be the most complex and interesting of my life. Your daughter.....my daughter....it's a slippery slope...motherhood. But I understood that if I didn't own this experience for her....own making the decisions, being consistent on what the boundaries are for her and what her role and responsibilities are for herself and her family that we could just pack our bags and not give this modeling gig another thought. We either do this right or why bother.
So over time, Maddie became more comfortable in front of a camera and having her mom nearby wasn't a big deal. It took a lot of time but she got there. For me, I've learned to look without staring....to give her space to be who she needs to be and then to bring it all back to normal when the day is done.
The gift, is having so much time with my girl. Seeing her on an intimate level, figure out who she is and what she likes or doesn't like about herself and others. I am her greatest cheerleader.....and even on those long rides home, when she's picking a fight with me just because and we both can't stand the sight of one another....I give thanks. Thanks for being her mom and protector. It really is the greatest gift.
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